Reclaiming Self
08 Wednesday Oct 2014
Posted Child Abuse, Finding Peace, Grief, Healing, mental abuse, Mindfulness, PTSD, Rape
in08 Wednesday Oct 2014
Posted Child Abuse, Finding Peace, Grief, Healing, mental abuse, Mindfulness, PTSD, Rape
in19 Friday Sep 2014
Posted Anxiety, Finding Peace, Healing, Military, PTSD
inTags
anxiety, Coping, flashbacks, Hypervigilance, insomnia, mental health, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, post traumatic stress injury, PTSD, Survivor
A Veterans Description Of PTSD……
IMO only, I would like to clarify something…as we reach out, and help those around us..we shouldn’t be entirely focused on the typical “at risk” people and symptoms. Sometimes, average is a lot of weight to carry. Although this is a very long post, I am hoping it will make sense and clarify.
I don’t like using the term “normal” but, in a “normal” person..an average day might consist of waking up, eating breakfast, jumping in the car or public transit, going to work, toiling away, return trip home, eat, watch a movie with the family and then 8 hours of sleep.
To a PTSD survivor, the daily “adventure” might look like this:
Wake up, shake off the cobwebs from a broken sleep or possible lethargy from sleep meds, eat breakfast and swallow some intrusive anxiety about what “may” happen during the day. Hold back the slow creeping thoughts about the trauma itself…that just keep coming back…
Get in the car, or public transit…In a constant state of awareness (hyper vigilance) Watch every cars movement, every persons reaction on the bus. Basically take a mental inventory of your direct surroundings and without even being conscious about it…possible threats. This isn’t just a soldiers reaction either…it’s very common in a lot of PTSD survivors. Your brain is constantly trying to process what is threatening or not. It’s easy for someone on the outside to look around and see 30 people as “normal” but for someone in this state of awareness..those people are all intruding into your “safe place”.
Now you have a choice…do you go home? Or go to work…you choose go to work because you need to support your family.
Go to work, attempt to stay focused in your cubicle of discontentment while your mind strays back to where you think you “need” to be. For me, it was back in a uniform. That’s where I belong… Not in this screwed up civilian world with no order or routine.
You possibly over achieve everything because of the desire to busy yourself enough to take your mind off of things . On the other hand, you may avoid it all together and have a simple “don’t care” attitude. Bills don’t get paid on time, tensions get raised needlessly, all because you really can’t cope with “calm” just yet.
You get yourself through everyday and carry on. That’s it. Minimal. (Avoidance and numbing)
You leave the office after work, head downstairs and a delivery man drops his cart. Huge crash happens on the tile floor. Causing your mind to go into a spin. (Freeze or Flight mode. Instantly you can’t recognize the simple fact that it was a parcel hitting the ground, not something that will hurt you. Another choice..do you attempt to not react, or do you just force yourself to get through it…bottle how that “felt” and go home as fast as you can?
Leave..go to the bus stop…jump on transit, or into your car and again watch everyone and everything. Not because u want to… But because your brain is trying to keep you aware of everything. Now TADA you are carrying a whole pile of weight from just an “average” day. Now you get home, to your “safe place” BUT instantly there is two point five kids and a dog and partner on you. So happy to see you, so excited that you are home. In their minds they are helping. Being positive to mom or to dad that just came home. In your head? Your mind is screaming…you just need ten minutes to try and process the day. Just ten minutes of alone time to process and move on. So now choose again, do you tell them? And possibly risk insult and making the other person feel less than appreciated? Or do you bottle it up and deal later.
So, you bottle it. Not even realizing it…your partner is now concerned and self blaming…causing even more stress and tension.
You eat your supper slightly agitated from the weight of an “average” day. Now you have guilt sliding in.
You decide to watch a movie with the kids. The newest scary smash em bash em scary splodey thriller. Do you choose not to, or do you watch because that’s what your family wants to do? You watch because it’s not their fault u may trigger.
You last 24 minutes before your mind is more focused on being Overwhelmed by the loud house, visual stimuli and the trigger of having “gone through something similar”. Time to shut it off and go to bed. Again one more choice: Do you lay there awake, because you have severe insomnia, and night terrors or, do u take the meds and chemically induce sleep? You take the meds because you have to go to work in the morning.
Just as your eyes are closing, your partner (who is considerably upset over your avoidance and mannerisms) looks at you and asks: “What happened hunny?” And your only response is “nothing.” Which instantly makes no sense to her/him. It’s the truth tho..nothing unusual happened. This was just an “average” day.
The last thought as u blink one last time…”I hate PTSD”
Does this sound familiar? So what’s the solution for an “average day”?
Mine…is talking. You need your battle buddy..someone who understands. Never leave your partner out. Do not do this alone…nobody should ever walk alone.
Ironically, the weight of “average” can quickly become too heavy for one person.
Learn to heal not to hurt ❤
18 Thursday Sep 2014
Posted Finding Peace, Healing
in17 Wednesday Sep 2014
Posted by cinderellyscastle | Filed under Healing